Guilt
by Hodge
Summary: After they left Bella in New Moon the family slowly fall appart, and Jasper blamed himself for the whole accident. What happens when he step over the line at school one day... and take his anger too far. Warning a spank ficiton, so don't like, don't read
1. Chapter 1: After the fiasco

_A Story By Hodge_

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><p><strong>Guilt<strong>

Chapter 1: After the fiasco

_All rights belong to Stephenie Meyer _

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><p><strong>Portland 4 February 2006<strong>

Jasper felt like the world was going to kill him slowly. Mr. Ross, a man in his forties, wouldn't stop speaking about the Civil war, and normally Jasper would happily listen and tell a few things, but not today. Today he felt like he was going to be sick, if his teacher told one more lie about the goddamn war, and then laughed like a pig every time he thought something about the war was funny.

Didn't he get people died back then too?

Jasper sank back in his seat, and tried to focus on something else, but feelings were flying around him like flies, trying to irritate him and get his attention. The boy in front of him, Calvin, was the most irritating person in the room, who couldn't stop starring on the girl two seat away, and Jasper had no other choice than to feel his lust and excitement.

Actually this was, in Jaspers opinion, one big bunch of hormonal teenagers, pretending to be in school. Because none of them were defiantly listening to Mr. Ross _exciting _stories from the Civil war. Jasper actually wondered if Emmett could teach these kids more… and Emmett never even finished college.

But sadly he had to remind himself Emmett wasn't here, just like Rosalie and Edward. After the fiasco at Bella's birthday, they all moved to Portland on Edwards's order, just to watch the family fall apart. Not more than two weeks after they left Bella, Edward took off, only to come home now and then. One month later he was followed by Rosalie and Emmett, who decided now would be a good time to travel around in Europe. Now they only answered the phone now and then, and mostly forgot to call home, but when they did, it was short and heartless. Jasper couldn't even tell where in Europe Rosalie and Emmett was anymore… it could be Sweden or Spain, he couldn't tell… and Edward, well that could be anything from China to Australia.

The Family was officially shattered to pieces, with Bella in Forks, Rosalie and Emmett in Europe… and only God knew where Edward was.

Not to speak about those who still was in Portland.

Because since Alice left Forks and Bella, she wasn't the same person. Even Jasper found it hard to be around her, because she was so sad, and… lost for energy. She didn't speak as much as before, wasn't as excited, and she mostly just looked depressed… like the rest of the family. She was Jaspers mate, and they always told each other everything, but now she rarely spoke to him anymore… heck, he couldn't even remember the last time they kissed. She was distant, cold, and in school they never really saw each other. Alice and Rosalie was supposed to be sophomores when they started, and Emmett and Jasper Juniors, but then Emmett and Rosalie dropped out and left them.

So Jasper didn't even share any classes with Alice, who strayed in her classes, until it was time for the next one, or drive home. The only time they actually shared together was in the car, where Alice always turned the radio on, and pretended to be occupied with something else.

And Jasper knew why… he knew why everyone acted like they did…

Because of him.

His parents acted like they were busy, Edward, Emmett and Rosalie left, and Alice ignored him the best she could, because none of them could stand him anymore. None of them could look into his eyes, and tell him they still loved him, not after this. Edward did maybe say it wasn't his fault, after the accident, but he still left, and every time he visited, he would barely speak to Jasper at all.

But he understood it… he even accepted it. Because it was his fault, all of this was his fault. He took Bella away from all of them, because he couldn't control his goddamn control, and his family lost a daughter, lover and sister that day… they lost a family member.

Even Esme couldn't look into his eyes anymore, or at least it felt that way, every time she excused herself and disappeared, just because he was near. There was always something in the garden that needed to be fixed, or somewhere she needed to be… and she barely spoke to him anymore.

Actually no one spoke to anyone anymore. Alice remained in the living room, pretending to read or make some kind of homework, and Esme was just trying to avoid Jasper, so where he wasn't was fine for her.

And Carlisle… Carlisle was working, and working, and working. At the hospital, or in the garden with Esme, or in his office… as long as he could work, and forget reality it was fine. Jasper rarely saw him more than three times a week, only to say hello, before his father disappeared again.

If he even had the right to call Carlisle _father_ anymore.

Because Jasper was beginning to wonder why he even stayed… there was nothing left for him. They all acted like he didn't belong here anymore, and should leave… but maybe they couldn't just make themselves say it. Even Alice looked on him with disgust now, and the love she once felt for him, was now completely gone.

But Jasper couldn't make himself leave. He couldn't say goodbye to all those things he loved… and he couldn't leave Alice, no matter how much she hated him. If the sight of her was all he ever was going to get, then so be it, but then he would at least be close. It hurt to leave the rest of the family too, but he knew he was going to get over it… but not Alice, he couldn't leave her.

That was why he never took the decision to leave, or even considered it, even thought it was tempting. Everyone would be so much happier, Rosalie and Emmett would come home, and if he wasn't there, it would be possible for Edward and Bella to be together again. The bloodthirsty monster he was, destroyed every kind of love around him, and he was beginning to hate every single second of his life.

He knew someone would say he was overreacting… but he couldn't help it. Everything around him was collapsing; no one would talk to him or love him anymore, so how could he not blame himself? How could he not hate himself?

But he was too much of a coward, so he didn't leave… it would kill him in the end.

But sometimes Jasper wondered if death was easier… for him, Bella… Edward… all of them, including Alice. Right now, it actually felt like Bella meant more to Alice, and he only felt sad feelings from her when he was near.

A wave of sadness hit him, like a storm finds a city, and turn everything upside down. At first it's just a wind, then it get stronger and stronger, until you can hear it whine outside your window. This sadness hit him too, first slowly, but then it got worse and worse, until it began to irritate him.

Confused he looked around, and tried to find the owner of these feelings, only to realize it was the boy beside him, Clyde Campbell… an ordinary seventeen year old boy, who was extremely sad constantly, considered his age. Clyde was actually only happy when they were in art class, or was alone at the library… the rest of the time he was just sad.

Jasper actually felt someone understood his own sadness. Clyde felt left just like him, and even though he didn't know a lot about the boy, he knew his mother died when he was five, and his father wasn't exactly proud of him. Clyde was the only child they ever got together, and his father never married another woman, so it was just him and his son.

And looking on his clothes, his father had to be rich. Everything was expensive, from his shoes to jacket, and even his huge glasses was expensive… but Clyde just looked like he was going to drown in money and expensive articles.

But considered he was wearing glasses, and looked a bit like a nerd… he actually looked okay. His gray eyes were a bit too big, and his brown hair too messy… but Alice would probably say he was cute. He didn't speak often, but when he did he sounded nervous and scared, so most people forget he actually looked… good.

But unfortunately for Clyde, this class was taken out of a bad high school movie, and Clyde was the bully target. The nerd no one wanted to talk with, who knew too much, and was too shy. His father was maybe rich and everything, but it didn't help Clyde in a normal high school class, where a lot of the kids were jealous, coming from poor terms themselves.

A bit confused, Jasper tried to find out what upset him so much, and saw the phone in his hand. Clyde was actually trying to hide the message, behind his book, so Mr. Ross wouldn't see it, and was so focused on that, he didn't notice Jasper read the message.

But there wasn't anything special about it… it was just from his father, Mr. Campbell, who said he wouldn't be home tonight… but Jasper couldn't understand why that made Clyde so upset. But then again, he had so many problems with the family himself, so he wasn't going to judge Clyde.

Instead, he slowly calmed Clyde down with his gift, as he couldn't take more sadness than he already felt in his heart. One thing was he needed to suffer, but Clyde was only a child… not that it made a difference.

And it wasn't exactly because Jasper knew him well at all… Clyde and he always just ended up in the same group, mostly because no one else volunteered to be their partner. So he only did this, because Clyde was the closest he came to have a friend, and because he knew how he felt, deep in his heart.

The sad thing, in Jaspers opinion, about Clyde was he wasted his talent. More than once he created something amazing in his art class, only to say it was okay, and then paint it over the next time he got there. No matter what they made, Clyde never saw the beauty in his work, and started over again and again. He couldn't even see his own talent, but Jasper could feel how he relaxed, and did something he for once liked to do.

When Clyde was calmed down, and concentrated on today's topic again, Jasper leaned back, and dreamed himself away, until the class was over. He wasn't anywhere specific, he just emptied his mind for thoughts and feeling, until the teacher told them the lesson was over. As soon as that happened, everyone gabbed their things, and got out as fast as possible, including the teacher, witch left Jasper alone with Clyde.

It was a week since he hunted now… so being alone with a human wasn't a great thing, but he told himself it was okay, and tried to forget what happened with Bella. As long as Clyde didn't bleed, there wouldn't happen anything, and knowing Clyde he would be out of the door soon. He wasn't exactly the type who stopped up to chat, so Jasper was actually surprised when Clyde looked on him, and nervously pinched the bridge of his nose. He looked like he wanted to say something, but couldn't make himself do it.

"What is it?" asked Jasper, and tried to sound as kind as he could, considered how scared the boy looked. At least it was clear Clyde wasn't going to say anything, unless someone asked him, and Jasper even began to get nervous, because of Clyde's feelings.

"It's… it's just…uhm, I was just thinking that if uhmm… if you want to hang out, my place is free tonight… my dad is out of town…" told the boy nervously, and broke the eye contact with Jasper, too shy and ashamed to look on him. "You don't have too… unless you want too of course," he added, and took a deep breath, still looking down. "I have movies and popcorn if you are interested… and we can even call a pizza if you want?" he offered, and closed his eyes for a moment, to collect himself.

Jasper felt bad instantly, as he heard the boy's request, and felt his heart break a bit. He knew he couldn't say yes, because he needed to hunt, and he couldn't be that close to a human a whole day. Back before Bella's birthday party… yes he would have been able to hang out with someone a few hours, but he didn't trust himself anymore. Imagine what would happen, if he suddenly got thirsty… or Clyde cut his finger on a glass or something? It would be a disaster, and his family would be forced to move again.

But he knew the poor boy asked out of loneliness, considered his father just wrote he wouldn't be home tonight, so if he said no, Clyde could look forward to a quiet night. So it was with a sad heart Jasper sighed, and looked down in shame, before he looked up on Clyde. He knew this had been a huge step for Clyde, considered how shy he was, but there was no way he could say yes.

"Look I would really love too…" began Jasper, but could already see and feel Clyde's disappointment, before he even had the chance to finish. He was probably the only one who had been kind toward him, and helped him with the partner work, instead of ignoring him. Clyde was actually on out of a few humans Jasper ever liked, even thought he was in his worst period of life, and shouldn't even try to make a friend.

"That's okay…" interrupted Clyde, and tried to smile, but most of all it just looked like a sad grimace. "I was rather late for it anyway… so don't feel sorry, it was only if you could…" he told, and grabbed his bag, ready to leave before he could say anything else, and make himself look even more like a fool.

"Look uhm… why don't we eat lunch together?" suggested Jasper, before he even could think about what he was doing, or stop himself. He just couldn't take the sad look in Clyde's eyes, and would prefer to shallow some disgusting pizza, if it made Clyde smile… just a few seconds.

And the boy lit up like a Christmas tree, the second he realized what Jasper was saying. For a moment, Jasper actually felt a true happiness hit him, and coming directly from Clyde, who looked like Jasper just gave him the best present in the world.

"That would be great," nodded Clyde, and pulled a few dollars out of his pocket. "I can just pay for your pizza… if you want?" he offered, and made Jasper realize the boy was trying to buy his company for money and food. The boy was so desperate for a friend and someone to talk too, he offered Jasper money, and Jasper began to wonder how often he had done that…

And how often people left him, when he had paid for their pizza.

"No that's okay, I have my own money," smiled Jasper, and showed a few dollars from his pocket, something that made Clyde look nervous… like he thought Jasper wouldn't sit beside him now.

But Jasper send a wave of calming emotions toward him, to calm him down, and suggested they went down to the cafeteria, before it was time to the next class. Clyde agreed instantly, scared to loss his new friend, and together they went down to eat.

Portland's public school was like any other school, which meant there food was like the rests, and their seats and table were like the other schools. Portland's school wasn't exactly a small school either, so Jasper and Clyde was able to find an empty table in a corner, and eat in peace. Or Clyde ate, while Jasper slowly took a few bites, and tried to hide the rest in his napkin, as human food wasn't exactly his thing.

But lunch with Clyde was a great thing, and Clyde was more talkative than Jasper thought possible. He even told him his father was a businessman of a kind, who traveled often, and was working for the state. He had some kind of important position, and hearing Clyde talk about him, made Jasper wonder if he saw him as a father, or as his boss.

But he also told more interesting things about himself… like the fact that he had a dog, called Rocky, and liked to hear most kind of music. He liked action movies, his favorite color was orange, and one day he was going to be a lawyer.

But when he said that, Jasper could feel how sad he was about it, and it was defiantly not his dream… probably more what his father expected him to become. In Jaspers eyes, Clyde as an innocent boy, who never got the chance to be rebellious, so instead he got shy and scared. Clyde's real dream was probably something totally different, but he was never going to say it out loud.

In the middle of their break, Jasper felt someone was starring on him, and turned around to see Colton was staring straight into his eyes, and looked rather pissed off. Colton was the classic bully bad guy type every school had, and he and his gang was starring rather intensely on Jasper and Clyde.

And Jasper knew why… and suddenly it gave sense why Clyde was so happy about Jaspers lunch invitation.

Because Jasper had seen more than once, how Colton made Clyde look like a fool, told him hurtful things, and pressed him for money… something that pissed Jasper off. Colton was probably using it all on alcohol and drugs, knowing him right, and just because he was a senior, he thought he could act like the king of the school. Jasper felt sorry for Clyde, because he was such an easy target, and no matter where he went in this world, he would always be a target.

And that's why Clyde lit up like a Christmas tree, when Jasper said they could eat lunch together… because then he wouldn't be a target. Clyde was maybe thin and owned simply no muscles… but Jasper was strong, and could look dangerous enough to make people like Colton go away.

He could only guess Colton was pissed off, because he usually pressed Clyde for money in the lunch break, but wouldn't dare to do it when Jasper was near. Then he thought his little well-kept secret would come out, but the truth was everybody already knew it, except the staff.

"Is Colton always starring like that?" asked Jasper Clyde, who slowly tried to hide himself, as Colton's blue eyes stared intensely on him. He was actually a rather ugly pig if you asked Jasper, with nearly pink skin, and dirty blond short hair… making him look like someone from the military. He looked like a body builder too, but Jasper couldn't imagine he was very smart, if he stole from a poor junior student.

"Well… mostly," muttered Clyde, and tried to look somewhere else, but Colton was now starring intensely on him. "Him and I don't get along that well…" he explained, like that was an excuse, but everyone knew the truth… Clyde was scared of him.

"hmm… have you told anyone about your _problems _with each other?" asked Jasper carefully, and tried not to make him upset… but he could already feel the shame and sadness coming in waves.

"No… well yes… I told my father," he explained uncomfortable, and looked down on his hands to avoid eye contact. "But…"

"But what?" asked Jasper, and tried to calm him down, so this whole thing wasn't so intense.

"Well… let's just say it didn't help," muttered Clyde, and looked into Jaspers eye with shame, like it was his fault. Jasper could even feel how the boy got more sad… and lonely.

Clyde was actually feeling all those things Jasper already felt… sadness, loneliness, shame… guilt. Those two boys shared these emotions, but Jasper still tried to remove some of Clyde's, most of all because he knew the pain Clyde felt. Normally he wouldn't be this kind to a human, or even be near one, but Clyde had created himself a special spot in Jaspers dead heart over the lunch break, and by now Jasper was so lonely Clyde's company was welcomed.

"I am sorry to hear that," muttered Jasper, and couldn't find anything else to say that would give any comfort. Clyde would still have trouble with these guys next week, and the week after… so what did Jaspers word help after all? The right thing would actually be to report this to a teacher, but Jasper feared that would create too much attention around him, and attention was the last thing he needed.

But he couldn't really get why he cared so much about the boy? He was a vampire, and he knew it wouldn't help to become friends with this human, so why even care about him? It would be so much easier if he could concentrate on his own pain, instead of someone else's…

But that was maybe the key… he couldn't concentrate on his own pain, it hurt too much. Then it was easier to find someone else, who actually could be fixed… at least a bit, and concentrate on him. Clyde didn't try to kill a family member, he was just ended up the wrong place, with the wrong people around him… and that could actually be fixed.

But Jasper wasn't supposed to fix anything… he was just supposed to be in school, and keep up appearance. He already fucked his family's life up so much, he couldn't fuck Clyde's up too.

"Excuse me… I have to go," muttered Jasper suddenly, and grabbed his books before Clyde could say anything. He could even feel the boys disappointment as he walked away, but he couldn't do anything about it. Clyde was a human, and Jasper was a dangerous vampire… those two things shouldn't be mixed together. Jasper would probably just end up killing him, and fail his family even more, so they finally could kick him out.

And he couldn't live without Alice.

As he walked past Colton's table, he made sure to stare straight into his eyes, with his own eyes saying, _stay away your motherfucker!_ Colton however, only starred back into Jaspers eyes, and gave him a smile Jasper didn't like at all.

But now he did his to protect the boy… there wasn't really much more he could do, unless he wanted to create attention. Right now he actually needed to forget everything about Clyde, before it was too late, and he cared too much. Clyde just truly reminded him about himself, and those feelings he couldn't get rid off, and that was it. He didn't need to be friends with him, or act nice… it would only make everything so much more complicated.

And things were complicated enough as it was.

When Jasper reached his next class, he found his phone, and saw Alice wrote a message. I didn't say much, except that she went home for today, and skipped the last few classes. She did that often now… skipped school, or at least a few classes, but neither Carlisle nor Esme said anything. Jasper could only guess they understood her, and felt sorry for her, because she had to be in the same school as him. So now Jasper was going to drive home in silence and loneliness, and when he got home he would be lonely, until the weekend was over, and it was time for school again.

Not that Jasper looked forward to that either.

But no matter how much you hate life, and it feels like the time stands still, it actually still moves… and Jaspers day moved too. He didn't listen to what the teacher said, and closed off for the classmates feelings, so he could dream himself away, until the day was over. When he got home, he would forget all about school, family and Bella fiasco of a birthday part, and go hunt.

Because he was beginning to get really thirsty… so thirsty he considered if he should skip the last class, but he survived it. The whole time, he however made sure not to get any eye contact with Clyde, who sat beside him as always, but he could still feel his sadness. Jasper just realized he didn't help him, by eating lunch with him, but made everything worse because he needed to ignore him afterward. Now Japer just made him even more sad, but there was nothing he could do about it, no matter how much he felt it was like looking on himself.

So as soon as the day ended, Jasper grabbed his things, and stormed out of the classroom. He wasn't going to let Clyde near again, or he feared it would end in a catastrophe, and he was pretty sure he couldn't handle one more.

Angry and irritated on himself, he marched out to the car, only to realize his keys was in his coat, and his coat was in his locker… just great. He actually considered for a moment, if he just should go home, and leave the car here until Monday… but he couldn't let himself do it. That car was his closest friend right now, considered how his family ignored him, so he couldn't just leave it here.

And anything could happen to her. Not many teenagers got the chance to drive in such a cool Volvo as his, so many would probably in jealousy try to steal it.

So with a sighed he walked back to the school building again, and saw the hallway's already were empty. His teacher went a bit over time, so everyone else was already gone when they were permitted to leave, and now even them from his class was gone… and the hallways was lonely and empty, just like him.

But as soon as he reached his locker, he realized he wasn't as alone as he thought. His locker was a few steps away from the boys bathroom… not that he visited that place often, but he still knew where it was. It was a gross place if you asked him, where there never really was cleaned well, and some boys found it funny to fuck up the already fucked toilet.

But what really bother him right now, was Colton's well known voice, and the fast scared heartbeat he could hear.

"So you thought hanging out with that Cullen boy would help you?" sneered Colton, and Jasper moved closer, to see what was going on.

"He… he… he was just eating lunch with me!" tried Clyde to tell, and Jasper could hear he already was crying. He could already feel how scared the boy was, and cursed himself for leaving him in the classroom, when it would have been more safe for Clyde to walk with him.

And friend or not, no one should be left alone with the lion.

"I don't believe that!" Hissed Colton, and Jasper moved close enough to see what happened through the door. "Actually I believe you did it on propose!" spat Colton, and pressed Clyde harder against the wall. "I actually believe you did it, so you didn't have to pay in the lunch break!" whispered the coldhearted bastard, and Jasper felt Clyde's fear and Colton's anger running through him, and nailed him to the spot.

The scenery in front of him was… horrifying. In the far end of the bathroom, he could see Colton pressing a knife against Clyde's throat, who looked and felt so horrified Jasper thought he was going to pass out. Clyde was pale by now, and looked like he was going to throw up, but Colton was so angry he didn't even notice it. Jasper couldn't even move, because the feelings was so overwhelming, and he felt everything and nothing at the same time.

"I swear… you can get your money!" cried Clyde, and tried to reach his pocket, but Colton stopped him.

"No… it's too late for that," he sneered, and pressed the knife even closer to Clyde's throat, so he panicked and began to cry even harder.

"Please… please, not that… you can get all the money you want, just not that!" cried the poor boy, and tried to get away, but Colton just pressed him even harder against the wall, nearly crushing him.

"Yes, that!" hissed Colton. "Because if I remember correct our deal was you gave us money, and I _didn't _ beat you… but now I don't have my money… so the deal is broken!" he whispered.

A lot of things happened at the same time.

Jasper felt some kind of anger he never felt before… an anger he couldn't stop, it needed to be released. When he looked on Clyde, he saw himself, standing there, without being able to defend himself… and one sad life ahead, because of idiots like Colton. He totally forgot who Clyde was, or the fact that he promised himself to stay away from the boy, because he just reacted.

And the exact same moment, Colton brought his knife even closer to Clyde's throat, ready to make a small cut, but everything changed that moment.

Because at that moment everyone heard a crushing sound, followed by a scream, and somewhere in Jaspers mind he registered the knife fell to the ground, and slide under one of the toilet doors.

But slowly his eyes turned toward his own hand, and realized it was wrapped around Colton's wrist, a few inches away from Clyde's face. The scream belonged to Colton, who screamed in pain, as Jasper broke his hand, but Jasper didn't really register that. The only thing he registered was that he felt pain, and Jasper felt good.

Angry he tore him further away from Clyde, and threw him at the floor, where he slowly placed his foot on the already injured arm, and slowly broke it even more.

But for once, Jasper felt good. He couldn't remember who he was any longer, or what he was doing, but it felt good. He needed this… he needed to release these feelings, and Colton's screams was like music in his ear. Hearing the bones break was like a lullaby, and he slowly did it, so the boy really could feel the pain.

The only thing he really saw was the bad side of himself screaming on the floor, and Jasper punished that side of himself… for everything. All the bad things, the war, the innocent people he killed, he was punishing himself. Slowly and painfully he was teaching the evil side a lesson, one it wouldn't forget soon… and he felt so good. The other side of him was represented in Clyde, who stood scared and watched, while justice was given to the right people.

Colton soon began to cry, begging him to stop… he began to plead, saying he would do anything… give him anything. But Jasper didn't listen, he just continued, kicking him every time he stopped screaming.

Everything felt perfect for once, until a sharp voice stopped everything.

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><p>So this was first Chapter of my new and first story, and I would like to say this is how Jaspers see's things, not how they truly are. And Alice will get more into the story later, but right now it's more between Carlisle and Jasper.<p>

And this is a spanking fanficiton, so if you don't like it, don't read it.

But please review and tell your opinion.


	2. Chapter 2: Slightly out of hand

_A Story By Hodge _

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><p><strong>Guilt<strong>

Chapter 2: Slightly out of hand

_All rights belong to Stephenie Meyer _

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><p><strong>Portland 4 February 2006 <strong>

Today was… well it was a day, in Carlisle opinion. It wasn't good, it wasn't bad… it was just a normal day…

Or what he would call normal now.

Because a normal day, back when everything actually was normal, was very different from now. Back then he would hear Emmett scream loudly somewhere in the house, and Rosalie slapping his head now and then. There would be laughter, and the whole household would be happy…

Now _a normal day_ meant the house was quiet… actually there was no sounds, except Carlisles pen against the paper, a noise he never noticed or found annoying before now. Because Emmett's laughter was gone, along with the whole happiness… and well, his family.

Because what was left wasn't a family, it was just the shattered piece of what he once called a family. Now it was a huge thing to hear the door open downstairs, and try to guess who returned. Mostly it was just Alice or Jasper, considered Esme never really left the house, and used most of her time in her garden.

Not that Alice or Jasper was any better. Carlisle couldn't even remember when he had a conversation with any of those, or just argued with them. Actually he couldn't even remember when those two talked with each other. Alice always excused herself, saying she needed to finish a sketch or a book… or that she just needed to check her homework over. There was always an excuse.

And Jasper… Jasper lived in his room by now, and rarely spoke to anyone. Carlisle couldn't even remember last time the hunted together… or last time he just said more than a hello to his son. His solider and pixie looked like they never met each other before, and acted like the other person was a stranger. Even Carlisle and Esme was beginning to get worried about their relationship, while they at the start thought time would heal their wounds…

But it didn't heal. Alice and Jasper was barely seen in the same room anymore, and Carlisle couldn't understand why. He knew Alice loved Jasper and waited for him so long, and Jasper… Jasper would die for her, if it would give him one more second in her presence.

So what happened?

Of course Carlisle had a guess, but he couldn't really understand their feelings and reactions… but he knew everything started at Bella's catastrophe of a birthday party. Everything changed that day, and they all lost something… especially Alice, who lost a sister. But while it brought Carlisle and Esme closer in some ways, because they suddenly needed each other so much, it brought Alice and Jasper far apart.

And why didn't Carlisle do anything?

The truth was Carlisle couldn't figure out what to do… he was lost for ideas. Sometimes people, including his family, forgot he too was a human once… and not God. Carlisle couldn't handle the whole world, even thought someone thought so… he too lost his patience sometimes, or felt everything was hopeless.

And right now, he was trying to fix his own wounds.

Because even though he never showed it, or got the chance to tell her, he cared a lot for Bella. He knew he never got the chance to spend a lot of time with her, but the shy girl had a special place in his heart, and he suddenly regretted so much. There was so many things he never got the chance to tell, so many things he never showed… so many things he should have done. His family was slowly falling apart… he couldn't even call it a family anymore, when four people were missing, and he had no idea where they were.

Carlisle Cullens world was slowly destroyed, and he was hanging at the end of the rope, still hoping some kind of miracle would happen.

But nothing happened.

With a sighed, he stopped the paperwork, and placed the pen on his desk. His office was much smaller than the one he had in Forks, and didn't feel near as comfortable, but he tried to tell himself it would come soon. Actually he didn't like the whole house, even though Esme did her best to make it comfortable... but most of the time he just felt like being watched. He really told himself it would go over soon…

But it didn't help at all.

Bored he wondered if he should go to the hospital, and work there a few hours. He knew both Alice and Esme was home, but Esme was in the garden, taking care of her flowers, and Alice was reading… or at least he thought so.

One of the problems with Alice here late had been her school. Most day's she even refused to go, saying they couldn't teach her anything new, and the rest of the day's she skipped all classes after lunch. The days where she actually stayed in school was few, and Carlisle was beginning to wonder when the school would call, and ask what was going on?

Jasper however didn't skip any classes at all these days, and that was worrying Carlisle just as much.

Slowly he walked over to his window, and looked out on their huge garden, were Esme was working right now… doing god knows what. He couldn't see her, since her face was turned away from him, and buried in a pile of fresh roses. Her garden was actually so big and full of flowers Carlisle could smell it in his office, and Esme used every single sunny moment out there… actually she even went out when it rained sometimes.

Because Esme lost just as much as Carlisle… and this wasn't Esme's first child, it was her second… Bella was her second child, who was ripped away from her arms. Carlisle even felt guilty for it, since it was him who supported Edward's decision, and told his family to pack what they absolutely needed. At first his answer had been no too, but slowly Edward convinced him, saying it was for the best. Carlisle could back then see what a threat they actually was, and he too was still shaken from her birthday, so Edward finally convinced him.

But he couldn't live in the past… and what happened couldn't be deleted. Bella was gone, along with Edward, Rosalie and Emmett… but at least he knew those three would come back. He even considered calling Charlie a few times, just to check if she was okay… or maybe even visit her…

But he had to respect Edwards wishes, and he as a coven leader should be an example for the others.

Not that anyone cared right now. None of them really talked to each other anymore, and Carlisle was trying to work his guilt and sorrow away at the hospital.

Suddenly his phone began to protest in his pocket, and a bit confused he picked it up. The display didn't show any phone number he knew, so he carefully answered it, and wondered if it maybe was Rosalie and Emmett… or maybe Edward…

But the grass would be purple before Edward called.

"Carlisle Cullen," he answered in his formal voice, and could hear a human breathing in the other end, so it wasn't any of his children.

" Principal Bennett," answered the person, and Carlisle groaned silently, as he already knew the Principal was calling because of Alice… this had been going on for too long, and he knew it only was a matter about time. He was actually a bit surprised Mr. Bennett didn't call before now, but Portland High School was of course a big school… not like Forks High School.

"Mr. Bennett, how can I help you?" asked Carlisle kindly, and pinched his nose in frustration. He already knew what the man was calling about, but he had to act innocent, or the Principal would know he actually allowed Alice to stay home. That would only give the family a lot of unwanted attention, attention he defiantly didn't need right now.

But what the heck was he going to do about Alice? He couldn't force her to school, not as sad as she was… it would be terrible wrong of him. So many emotions was flying around in the house already, so an angry Alice wasn't needed. Maybe the best thing would be to take her out of school, and let her live a few years at home, while the public thought she was on a boarding school somewhere. That would be the best thing to do, considered what Alice had been through, and maybe she and Jasper would slowly heal.

"Well your see Mr. Cullen… Jasper has caused a lot of trouble today, so I would like you to come immediately as his guardian, and help me clean up in this mess," explained Mr. Bennett, and even thought he sounded cold, Carlisle could hear just how angry he was, and began to wonder how Jasper was involved.

And sudenly he realized this wasn't about Alice at all… it was about his son, who probably said or did something he shouldn't, and Carlisle suddenly felt very tired. He wasn't stupid, and knew the Principal himself wouldn't call, unless Jasper did something really bad, that would end him in a lot of trouble later. If Jasper just tried to stop a fight, or witnessed it, the secretary would have called… no this meant Jasper started something, or did something really stupid… and Mr. Bennett said something about a lot of trouble.

"I see…" muttered Carlisle a bit confused, as his soldier usually stayed out of trouble, this was more Emmett's field. "Could you maybe tell me what happened?" tried Carlisle, as he would prefer to know it before he stepped into the office, but it seemed like the Principal was rather coldhearted right now.

"I am sorry, but I would prefer to inform you when you _and _your wife arrives," told Mr. Bennett, and made sure Carlisle heard Esme should be there too…

Then it had to be really really bad.

"I see… I will be there as soon as I can," told Carlisle, and heard Mr. Bennett hang up without saying goodbye.

From there Carlisle emptied his head for any thoughts, and decided there would be time to be angry later. Instead, he quickly grabbed his watch and wallet, along with his blazer, before he went downstairs in vampire speed. He didn't even stop to look at Alice, who sat in their living room, but flew past, and tried to find Esme in theie garden. It didn't take him long to locate her, as she stood in the middle of everything, and looked so peaceful he cursed himself for destroying that peace.

"Esme my dear," he called, and made her turn around with a gasp, as she didn't hear him approach.

"Carlisle… you gave me a shock there," she laughed, and tried to smile, bit it was clear it all were fake, and only done to make him happy. Carlisle knew that as well, but gave her a smile too, only to look serious again.

"Esme I am sorry to come with this message, but the school's Principal just called me… and it seems like Jasper is in some kind of troubled," explained Carlisle, and could see Esmes confused expression match his own, when he got the phone call. Jasper never really got into trouble… at least not so much the Principal would call, and ask them to come immediately… no that was Emmett's area. Actually he had never heard a Principal be so angry before… especially not over a phone, so something extreme happened.

"Oh my… what happened?" asked Esme, and dropped everything in her hands, as she tried to fix her hair. She already knew Jasper couldn't be innocent, considered how serious Carlisle looked, and her worst fear was an accident happened, and someone was dead. Suddenly she even tried to remember what color his eyes was this morning, but then she realized she didn't see him this morning.

"I don't really know," admitted Carlisle, and looked down on his watch. "Mr. Bennett wouldn't tell, but he told us both to come immediately… and I fear Jasper caused a lot of trouble," he sighed, and suddenly realized he needed to tell this news to Alice too. Actually, he wondered why she didn't warn him, when she could see the future, but then he remembered she tried to avoid the future, since they left Bella. Back then Edward told Alice she couldn't look into Bella's future anymore… they needed to forget her and get over it, but Alice took it to a whole new level, and decided not to use her gift at all anymore. Of course, Carlisle thought it would go over, but it was now months ago she used it at all.

"What has the boy done…" muttered Esme confused, and shook her head.

"I don't know," sighed Carlisle, and was beginning to get frustrated with his child… why did Jasper need to do this right now? "But Mr. Bennett asked us to come immediately, so please go upstairs and get ready, before we upset him even more," he told, and looked on Esme who was covered in dirt and grass… she couldn't arrive like that.

But the good thing about vampires was their speed. Before Carlisle even could finished his sentence, Esme flashed upstairs, and he could hear water running from the shower. For a moment he wanted to join her, but then he remembered where his soldier was, and changed his mind. Instead, he flashed inside, and found Alice sitting in the living room with a book, not even paying attention to his presence. Carlisle could honestly not tell why Alice was acting like this, but this moment he realized it went too far, and things had to change…

But there was no time for such things right now, as Jasper probably needed his full attention first.

"Hello Alice," he tried carefully, and gave her a warm smile… even though she never as much as looked up on him. He still couldn't decide if he should tell her Jasper was in trouble, or just say he and Esme would be back soon, but considered how troubled she looked already, he decided the first thing wouldn't be a great idea.

"Hello Carlisle," muttered Alice, and continued to stare down at her book… even though he knew she was reading the same page, as she read two hours ago. The book was only her shield against the world, that allowed her to be alone… and just think. Carlisle couldn't tell what was going through her head, but he knew it was going too far, and right now he cursed himself, for not helping her before.

"Are you enjoying your book?" he asked carefully, trying to have a conversation with her, but that was near impossible.

"Yeah…" she muttered, and continued to stare on the same page.

For some unknown reason, this made Carlisle think on Alice as a small innocent child… and the more he looked on her, the more she looked like a child. She looked even smaller on the couch than she usually did, even beside Emmett, who was so huge someone would think Alice was a dwarf. Right now Carlisle actually just wanted to comfort his daughter, but in that moment Esme flashed into the living room, and reminded him about the problem they needed to deal with first.

The moment Esme entered the room, Carlisle could smell her shampoo, a combination of lime and strawberry, along with her perfume. The Esme he saw a few minutes ago, covered in dirt and wearing her favorite jeans, was now gone. Instead stood the more… _formal Esme_, wearing her best skirt and blouse in silk, all in relaxing light colors that made her look warm and soft.

"Are you ready to leave?" she asked carefully, and looked on her daughter, who still looked down… not even trying to act as if she was listening.

"Yes, I just need my coat," nodded Carlisle, and looked on Alice. "Sweetheart, your mom and I need to go for a few hours… but just call if there is anything, Jasper will also be gone, but don't worry," he explained, and hoped that was enough information, but Alice didn't even react.

If she listened at all.

Worried Carlisle looked on Esme, who looked skeptical on her daughter too, wondering the same… when did this happen? Carlisle and Esme had been so sad themselves, they never really saw how bad Alice was doing, but now they finally realized something had to be done.

"See you later," smiled Esme, and placed a hand on her husband's arm, to tell they would deal with this later. Right now they needed to talk with an angry principal first, and find out what their son had done to cause that kind of anger. "Carlisle we need to go," whispered Esme, and pulled her husband away, who still was starring worried on Alice.

"Of course…" he muttered, still a bit confused, but as they left the living room, he got time to collect himself. On the way out he grabbed his coat, before they together left the house, and went out to his car… a black Mercedes. Even though nothing was as before, Carlisle was still the gentleman he always had been, and held the door for Esme as she got into the car. Soon they were heading off to the school, but no one made as much as a sound… mostly because they couldn't think on any words that would cover what they thought.

Both were still shocked by Alice's behavior, and wondered when it got so… extreme. The only real conversation Carlisle could remember between him and Alice, was back in Forks when she tried to convince him they should stay… something they argued about for an hour, before Carlisle ordered her to pack her things. Since then she actually ignored him mostly, and soon began to ignore the rest of the family too.

But right now he needed to focus on Jasper, and whatever trouble he made. Carlisle was unfortunately sure Jasper _did_ something, since Mr. Bennett was more than just angry over the phone, and he could only beg none of it would expose them.

Because his worst fear was Jasper slipped in some way, and Carlisle would find a dead body when he arrived… a body drained for blood. It was his fear every time the school called, and it was something serious… but with Jasper he always felt there was a higher risk, considered his past. He always tried to treat his children equally, but he couldn't deny this was Jaspers soft spot… and if this happened at a school in the middle of the day… well he had no idea how to get them all out of it.

But as he arrived at the school, he saw no police cars or ambulances… so that was a good sign, right? The only cars he could see was Jaspers, and three others, so maybe this could be solved more… peacefully. He still had no idea what Jasper did, but he felt relived, since there was no authorities around, and he could see Esme shared his expression.

"Any idea about what he could have done?" asked Esme carefully, as he parked the car in front of the building.

"Not really," sighed Carlisle, and ran a hand through his hair. "But I doubt It's anything good… considered how angry Mr. Bennett sounded over the phone," he muttered, and shook his head. "But sitting here in the car guessing, won't give us any answers… so I guess we have to go inside,"

With a sigh, they both got out of the car, and walked inside to find their son, and get him out of this mess. Carlisle wasn't angry yet, since he didn't know if this was a misunderstanding, or Jasper really did something. Instead, he was most of all confused, and told himself countless times he needed to calm down, and focus on the task ahead. Right now, he was thinking on everything, from Alice's behavior, to how Bella was doing, and why Jasper and Alice was acting so distant?

Where was Emmett and Rosalie even? He couldn't remember the last time they called him, or informed him about anything… why did he even let them leave? Why did he allow Edward to leave? Right now he actually saw the last few months in his head, and began to wonder why he allowed them all to leave? He had been such a bad leader, letting his family fall apart, while he worked at the hospital, trying to forget everything.

After this meeting, a lot of things needed to change.

Actually he wanted to change a lot of things right now, starting with Esme. He needed to let her know how sorry he was, and that he was going to make everything okay again. He wanted to take her hand, and make her feel loved and adored… he wanted to call the whole family, telling them to come home immediately.

But instead he remained silent, and walked into the waiting room, just as he finally decided things was going to change.

But it couldn't be right now.

Instead he focused on whatever was about to come, and looked around to see if there was anyone in the waiting room. But funny enough there was only him and Esme… not even a secretary, or an assistant. The desk where he or she usually sat was empty, and Carlisle could only guess whatever Jasper did happened after school.

But behind the Principals door, he could hear two heartbeats… one beating fast and scared, and the other more calm… but still furious in it's own way. He wondered who the other person was, since he only thought it would be Mr. Bennett and them.

What did Jasper do?

"I guess we better knock," muttered Esme, only loud enough for him to hear, as they walked forward and looked on the door.

"I guess so," he nodded, and began to wonder if now would be a good moment to run. "Here goes nothing," he muttered, and knocked on the door, loud enough to make everyone hear it.

And as he did, he heard how someone sighed… probably Jasper, while another person stood up. The last heartbeat only speeded up, and made Carlisle fear someone was having a panic attack in there… was that Jaspers fault too?

After a few seconds the door opened, and revealed the principal's office… the most boring place he may ever have seen. The walls were white, and full of wooden furniture's that matched the brown seats, and the boring floor.

But it also matched it's owner… Mr. Bennett, who was standing in the door, looking on them. He was a man in his fifties, with brown hair, that was in the process of turning into gray, and small wrinkles around his eyes and lips. Everything about him looked friendly enough, if it wasn't because of the angry expression in his face, and the fire in his eyes. Carlisle was actually beginning to wonder what exactly Jasper did, to cause this anger, but he never got the chance to ask, as Mr. Bennett opened his mouth.

"You must be Mrs. and Mr. Cullen, Jaspers adoptive parents?" he asked, and invited them inside with a gesture… defiantly not going to shake hands with them.

"That's correct, I am Carlisle and this is Esme my wife," Carlisle nodded, and tried to be a bit friendly, as he stepped inside the office.

But as soon as he stepped inside, he saw his son, Jasper, sitting in front of the principals desk, looking quiet pissed off. His soldier was actually starring on the Principal with so much hate, Carlisle thought he was going to rip the man apart, but he remained in his seat. Jasper was normally the more calm person… but maybe it was because of the principals anger, he was angry… or at least Carlisle hoped so.

"Well Mrs. and Mr. Cullen, please take a seat," told Mr. Bennett, and made sure to call them Mr. and Mrs. not Carlisle and Esme. Not matter what Jasper did, he was defiantly so angry a smile couldn't solve this.

Without saying a word, Carlisle and Esme took their seats. On propose Esme took the seat beside Jasper, before Carlisle got the chance, since she knew how his temper was at times, and how easily he could overreact. Sitting between her son, and probably soon very angry husband was the best solution, considered how verbal Carlisle often reacted when he heard the bad news.

So as Carlisle sat down, he realized there was a fifth person in the room, sitting beside him. The boy couldn't be any older that seventeen, maybe even sixteen, but Carlisle guessed he was small for his age. Or he was actually not small… just thin, and not owning one muscle in his body. The boy was shaking horribly much, and looked scared into Carlisle eyes… actually so scared Carlisle felt sorry for him. He now realized this was the boy with the fast and scared heartbeat, and for a moment he wanted to place a hand on his should… but thought it was best to leave him alone.

"Clyde have you still not heard from you father?" Asked Mr. Bennett, and brought Carlisle out of his thoughts, as everyone's eyes turned toward the scared boy… who Carlisle presumed was Clyde. The boy looked even more terrified as all the attention was on him, and for a moment he saw anger cross Jaspers face.

"No… he… his on a … business trip," stammered the boy, and looked down on his hands as he spoke.

If Carlisle was his doctor, he would have suggested he visited a psychologist by now, and they had only been in the same room for a few minutes. But it was clear for Carlisle this boy was maybe she most shy person he ever had met. Clyde couldn't even look on the principal as he spoke to him, and for a moment Carlisle forgot everything about Jasper, and why he even was here.

"I see… then I guess we will have to do this without him," sighed Mr. Bennett, and ran a hand through his hair. Right now he looked more frustrated than angry, but it only lasted for a moment, before he looked on Jasper again.

Then his eyes suddenly changed to anger, and his hands slowly formed into fists, like he wanted to hit Jasper, but instead he sat down. Carlisle turned around in his seat to look on Jasper, and saw his son was looking on Mr. Bennett with the same kind of anger… and his hands was formed as fits as well. Bot Carlisle and Esme gave him a hard stare, and tried to tell him he needed to calm down… but Jasper ignored them.

"Well Mr. and Mrs. Cullen, I am sorry to call you… but there has been a bit of a _problem_, if we can call it that… but first let me introduce you," Began Mr. Bennett, and looked peaceful enough, as long as he and Jasper didn't have eye contact. "Clyde, this is Carlisle and Esme Cullen, Jaspers adoptive parents," he introduced. "Mr. and Mrs. Cullen… this is Clyde Campbell… a student on our school," he presented, and Clyde quickly waved, before he looked down on his hands again… his heart beating even faster.

"Hello Clyde," tried Esme softly, and felt just as sorry for the child as Carlisle, as he truly just was an innocent boy. Neither she nor Carlisle could understand what happened, but it was pretty clear Clyde wasn't the trouble maker… while Jasper, well he usually wasn't a troublemaker either, but between those two, Carlisle would put his money on Jasper.

"Hello Mrs. Cullen," muttered the boy, and didn't even try to make eye contact.

"Forgive me for asking," interrupted Carlisle, before there would be an awkward silence. "But I don't understand why Mr. Campbell needs to be here… I thought we came here because of Jasper?" he asked innocently, but most of all he did this because he felt this conversation should be private. Clyde looked like he was about to go into a shock, and as a doctor, Carlisle felt it was his duty to get him out before he panicked. But also he couldn't really see why the boy should be here, since he didn't look like he did anything wrong… he was just really nervous.

"I too would have preferred this was between your family and me, but the thing is, you son won't tell his part of the story, and Clyde is the only witness… except for Colton of course, but we decided it was best he went home," explained Mr. Bennett, and pinched the bridge of his nose frustrated, as he looked on Jasper.

And suddenly everyone looked on Jasper, except Clyde, who was busy looking on his hands. But everyone else looked questioning on Jasper, and Mr. Bennett smiled, finally thinking he got him.

"Jasper sweetheart… why won't you tell your part of the story?" asked Esme sweetly, and tried to place a hand on his shoulder, but he brushed it off. Actually he had been quiet since they arrived, noticed Carlisle suddenly, but for the first time he opened his mouth.

"Because I have nothing to say," he answered hard, and stared straight into Mr. Bennett eyes, like he wanted to kill him.

"Jasper I am sure the principal would like to hear you side of the story," tried Carlisle peacefully, but Jasper could hear the threat as well as Carlisle in his own voice. It would only get worse for himself, if he didn't tell what happened… Carlisle would make sure for that.

"Look I just don't have anything to say… but why don't you ask our _dear principal_," spat Jasper, and earned himself a shocked glance from his parents, who both looked on him like he was crazy. "I am sure he has some kind of twisted story of the truth!" he added, and stared angry on the principal.

But for once the Mr. Bennett acted like nothing, and didn't even look on Jasper, but his parents instead. Carlisle actually had a very bad feeling about this, but he couldn't tell anything, before he got some information's. He still felt like no one told him anything, but it seemed like Mr. Bennett finally was going to tell them something.

"If that's your whish," hissed Mr. Bennett, and turned toward Carlisle and Esme, "Well you see Mr. and Mrs. Cullen… here on my school I won't accept any kind of violence, it's a rule all schools have. If you make any kind of violence, or threat another classmate or teacher, it's out… I won't accept it. And here today I was about to leave, when I heard someone scream, and found Jasper hitting and kicking another student, who lay helpless on the floor… Mr. Colton Bennett… my nephew in fact,"

It was like Carlisle world didn't move, while words like _hitting and kicking _and _my nephew_, ran through his head. At first his brain couldn't accept what he heard, but then slowly, a picture of his son hitting another student formed in his mind. He couldn't believe it at all… why would his son do that? Jasper wasn't the violent type at all… he actually never got into this kind of trouble… but now he sat here, and heard those words.

Slowly he turned his head to look on Jasper, and saw Esme was looking on him too…

But Jasper didn't even try to defend himself, he just stared back on them, his eyes revealing everything. He did actually hit the student… he was violently, and left Carlisle and Esme shocked.

"Jasper… did you do this?" asked Carlisle slowly, to make sure his son heard this. He was still in the state of shock, but his anger slowly took over, and right now Clyde and Mr. Bennett wasn't a part of his world. There was only Jasper and him, and his answer would decide how the future between them would play out.

"Yes I did this… quiet well in fact," told Jasper coldly, and ignored the gasp from Esme, who covered her mouth with her hand, still shocked.

"Jasper how could you!" exclaimed Esme, and looked on him like she couldn't recognize him anymore.

But Jasper looked cold and angry… there was no guilt or remorse in his eyes, not one bite, and Carlisle was beginning to wonder what happened to his son. This was not Jasper at all, and with all these feelings in the room, he would have thought he was more affected.

"He deserved it… that little prick Colton deserved it all," hissed Jasper, and looked on Mr. Bennett, who took it very seriously and personal, considered it was his nephew.

"Forgive me Jasper… but I hardly see how _my nephew_ could have deserved this kind of treatment… I can't remember he ever has done anything to you," reminded Mr. Bennett him coldly, and looked like he was ready to murder him.

And Carlisle… well right now Carlisle was ready to support him. How could his boy just hit another boy like that? His only concern right now, was how injured the poor boy was… he could only beg Jasper didn't make him bleed. Actually when he looked on his son, he realized his eyes were black, so when was last time he feed? Or was it just because of the anger?

"You seriously ask me why I hit him?" hissed Jasper, and gave Clyde a quickly glance, before he looked on Mr. Bennett again. "Well let me tell you why… because if I remember right you don't accept violence or a student threating another student or a teacher… and that was what your _dear nephew _did!" hissed Jasper, and made Mr. Bennett look even more angry. "Because when I found Colton, that son of a bitch, he was threating Clyde with a knife… telling him he was going to beat him!" hissed Jasper, and made the room silent.

Everyone's eyes slowly turned toward Clyde, who closed his eyes like he couldn't take this anymore. Carlisle could hear how his heartbeat was beating faster and faster, and for a moment he thought Mr. Bennett could hear it too, but he was wrong. The boy looked like he was about to have a panic attack, if he didn't have one already, and Carlisle was about to stop this, before they needed to call an ambulance. Actually he wasn't even angry on Jasper anymore, it disappeared the moment he looked on Clyde, and now he only cared about Clyde, the most frighten boy he ever had seen.

"Well Clyde, you are the only one who can confirm this… did Colton threaten you with a knife?" asked Mr. Bennett slowly, and looked like he didn't believe this at all. Carlisle could even hear the threat in the man's voice, like he was saying Clyde better say no, or he would make sure life was going to be so much worse than it already was.

"I…I…" stammered Clyde, and looked confused and scared on Jasper, and for a moment Carlisle swore he was going to pass out…

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><p><strong>So I excuse for a lot of spelling errors, but it's late and I don't have time, but thought you would prefer to get the chapter before Christmas. <strong>

**So what do you think is going to happen now? **

**And to the guest reviwer who wrote this:**

"**Jeez, useless chapter people read for spankings not for this crap" **

**Well I am sorry to hear you feel this way, but Carlisle can't just spank Jasper without a reason, and I am not gonna make him cruel, by just spanking him for nothing. So yes it's not exactly gonna happen in the first chapter, and sorry you feel it's useless, but that's just how it is. **

**Now sorry the rest of you had to read this, but this was my only way to answer it. But seriously thanks to all of you who left a review last time, I hope you will do it again, and continue to follow it :D **

**Now review and have a great day! :D**


	3. Chapter 3: The Truth

_A Story By Hodge _

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><p><strong>Guilt<strong>

Chapter 3: The Truth

_All rights belong to Stephenie Meyer _

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><p><strong>Portland 4 February 2006 <strong>

The whole room was silent, waiting for Clyde's answer. Even Mr. Bennett was holding his breath, fearing the answer just as much as Carlisle, Esme and Jasper. Because if Clyde admitted Colton had threaten him with a knife… Colton would have to pay the consequences, just as Jasper. Mr. Bennett actually knew it was true, deep inside, but it was his nephew, and his brother, Colton's father, would be furious if he threw Colton out of the school.

And no matter how cold and hard Mr. Bennett looked right now, he feared his brother more than anything in this world. If Clyde admitted his nephew threaten to hit him… and even worse, was about to do it, Mr. Bennett wouldn't be hide it.

Carlisle at the same time was worried about Clyde, and his answer. It was clear by now in his eyes, that Clyde was scared, and Mr. Bennett's hard eyes didn't make it any better… so most of all Carlisle feared Clyde wouldn't tell the truth, if he could avoid Mr. Bennett's anger. If he admitted Colton was a bully, and threaten him with a knife, then it would explain why Jasper acted as he did… not that Carlisle thought violence was a solution.

But it would explain why he attacked Colton. Carlisle was actually a bit proud if that was the truth, but what happened after made him not just disappointed, but angry and shocked. He knew there was other way's to deal with it… Jasper was the strongest one of those two, so there was no reason to be so violent. The way he treated Colton was wrong, but it was good he tried to help Clyde… he should just have tried in a different way.

But right now he needed to focus on Clyde… most of all because he feared the boy was going to have a panic attack. Sweat was running down his face by now, and he was shaking a bit… looking like he had a fever of some sort. Esme too actually forgot everything about Jasper, as she was busy starring worried on the boy, and considered if it would be best to stop this.

But the truth needed to come out, and Clyde was the only one who could confirm if Jasper told the truth.

Jasper too was actually nervous, because Clyde was scared… and when people is scared, the will do anything to get away… including to lie. Mr. Bennett was a lot alike his nephew, and if Jasper should guess, Clyde never told his problems to the principal, because he saw Colton when he looked on the principal.

Jasper didn't really care if his name was cleaned… it actually couldn't be, since he beat Colton pretty well, but he hoped Clyde would tell the truth, for his own fault. If he didn't, he would go back to hell on Monday, probably without Jasper, and it would be the same day after day, until he graduated.

"I… Colton and I… we…" tried Clyde, as tears slowly began to form in his eyes, but he couldn't get it out. He looked like he was about to run, and Carlisle considered if he should stop this now, before the boy got even more stressed, but then again… he needed to know the truth. This was actually Clyde's only chance to get justice, and Carlisle wished there was a way to tell him he would support him, but Mr. Bennett was listening, and would quickly accuse him for manipulating the boy.

"Colton and you… are friends, if I understood it correctly… Colton speak highly of you when he and I talk," smiled Mr. Bennett, and tried to manipulate the boy himself… not that he got very far with it.

"Yeah right, what a _good friend_ Clyde got there," snorted Jasper, and stared on Mr. Bennett with hate and anger, as he realized Colton didn't get this from strangers. "Clyde don't listen to him… just tell the truth, this idiot can't touch you," told Jasper to Clyde, and tried to calm him down with his gift, but Clyde was too upset too even feel it, and Jasper gave up at last.

And Carlisle and Esme… they couldn't believe their own ears. First of all that their son was so rude toward the principal, and secondly that the principal actually was trying to manipulate Clyde, who now was starring on his hands so intense Carlisle thought his eyes would fall out. This was maybe the most horrible meeting he ever had with one of his children's school, and right now he couldn't decide if he should support Japer, be angry on him, or be angry on Mr. Bennett.

Or maybe just try to get Clyde out of here.

"I… I don't know…" whispered Clyde suddenly, and Carlisle wasn't sure _what _it was he didn't know, but at least he said something now. But Mr. Bennett attacked him like a hawk.

"Oh so he don't even know if my nephew threaten him or not. Well I am sorry Jasper, but I am pretty sure he would know if he was threatened or not," hissed Mr. Bennett with an evil smile, that made Clyde sink even more into his seat… trying to be avoided.

But now Mr. Bennett pissed Jasper truly off, and the soldier could barely sit in his seat anymore. Esme on the other hand was so confused she didn't know what to do, and Carlisle felt someone was attacking him personally, even though Clyde was the real victim. Carlisle couldn't even understand how they ended where they did… he only remembered being called because Jasper got in trouble, but now it was all about a boy who was a victim in this whole thing.

"You idiot!" hissed Jasper, and would have stood up, if Esme didn't place a hand on his shoulder. "Can't you see you are threatening him too… he is totally confused! You turn everything he says into your advantage!" he hissed, and would have continued if Carlisle didn't stop him.

"Jasper I think that's enough!" he interrupted, and feared someone would start a fight soon. "Maybe we should just let Clyde start from the beginning, so he can tell what happened," he suggested, and didn't even give them time to say anything, as he turned toward Clyde, who looked shocked on him. "Clyde, why don't you just take a deep breath, and start at the beginning… what were you doing before all of this happened?" tried Carlisle, and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, to tell it was okay. "Just tell the truth… no one will judge you for that," he told softly, and gave Mr. Bennett a glare that told him he should shut up, or he would regret it.

"I… I was going home," muttered Clyde, after he took a deep breath. He didn't even dare to look up, in fear to see Mr. Bennett stare on him, but he felt more calm with Carlisle hand on his shoulder.

"And what happened then?" asked Carlisle carefully, and begged to every God that might exist, no one would interrupt, or stop him. If they did, he would probably not speak again, being too scared to even open his mouth.

"I was just going to take my coat from my locker… but… then…I Uhmm…" tried Clyde, but seemed lost for words, as he now scared looked on Mr. Bennett, who stared straight into his eyes, clearly telling him how it would end if he told anything bad about his nephew.

"What happened when you tried to get your coat?" asked Carlisle softly, and turned Clyde's head away from Mr. Bennett with his fingers. Instead, he made Clyde look into his own eyes, as he began to feel his parental instincts kick in. First of all he couldn't even understand why his father wasn't here, so he could give him the right support… or at least wait with this meeting, until Mr. Campbell got home from his business trip. But he couldn't make those decisions, so instead he just had to support him the best he could himself.

But someone was defiantly going to be informed about Mr. Bennett after this.

"I… Colton was there suddenly…" told the poor boy frightened, and tried to turn his head to look on Mr. Bennett… just to see his reaction, but Carlisles hand on his face prevented that. Neither Jasper or Esme tried to stop what was going on, since Esme trusted her husband, and Jasper felt something good finally was happening. Mr. Bennett on the other hand was ready to stop this very soon… and accuse Clyde for being a liar.

"And what did Colton do?" asked Carlisle, and tried to sound as calm as possible, even though his inner thoughts was a chaos. He could hear Clyde's heartbeat was beating faster and faster again, and tears was forming in his eyes once more… actually he could feel how his face was shaking a bit against his hand. Clyde was going to give up soon… probably because he couldn't think on it, without getting scared… and Carlisle was beginning to consider if he had any medication in his car.

"I… he… we wen't out to the bathroom… he… he wanted to talk… I… I tried… but," he stammered, and was so confused himself he couldn't explain what was happening in his head. He looked down on his hands again, and brushed Carlisles hand away from his face, as a tear escaped his eyes. "Please don't make me talk about this," he whispered, and looked like he was about to run, but he stayed in his seat.

"Isn't that proof enough," hissed Jasper, and looked on Mr. Bennett, who had his full attention now. "Clyde can't even talk about it, isn't that proof enough!" he repeated, and ignored his parent's.

Carlisle was truly debating between if he should step in, or let it happen, as he truly was beginning to dislike Mr. Bennett too. The man was simply not a principal worth, and was protecting his nephew over another student. Carlisle felt this conversation wasn't fair at all, so for the first time he allowed Jasper to argue in this way with another person. His only worry was Jasper was too hungry, and would try to attack him, but right now it seemed like he was in control, so he didn't interrupt.

"Proof… there is no proof in those words Mr. Campbell just said… he only said Colton wanted to talk with him in the bathroom…. But that's not the truth is it?" spat Mr. Bennett. "No I think the truth is you and Clyde didn't like my nephew… maybe you were jealous, so you planned to get rid of him. I think you made Clyde get Colton to the bathroom, under the excuse they needed to talk, but out there you waited, and then you beaten him up! Yes that's what happened! You and Clyde planned this all along!" hissed Mr. Bennett, and looked like he was a genius.

"LIAR!" yelled Jasper, and stood up, so angry Carlisle could feel it from where he sat. "What happened was I was on my way to get my keys, before I went home, when I saw _Colton_ pressing a knife against Clyde's throat! He said Clyde didn't pay him the money he owned… those money he usually paid, so Colton didn't beat him, so now he was going to beat him!"

"You're the liar here!" hissed Mr. Bennett, now standing up too. "My nephew would never do that! He is a good kid, and it was you who has beaten him! We have proof on that! Now what proof do you have?" asked Mr. Bennett smartly, and sat back in his chair. "Where is the knife you are talking about, because I defiantly didn't saw a knife when I found you! Instead I saw you kicking Colton so hard he broke his arm!"

For a moment Carlisle sat there, shocked, because Jasper broke Coltons arm… and probably gave him a few blue marks too. But there was no time to be angry, since Jasper answered just as quick back as Mr. Bennett replied.

"Well why don't we go out to the restroom, I am sure if you look under one of the doors, you will realize the knife is there. And I am sure if you look at the fingerprints you will see Colton's, not mine!" told Jasper with triumph. "And yes, I did kick Colton, I did break his arm, but not without a reason! Colton deserved it, and we both know that!" he hissed, looking so pissed Carlisle began to doubt his decision.

"Your such a liar!" hissed Mr. Bennett, trying to act like he didn't hear the part about the knife. "Is this how you have raised you child Mr. Cullen?" asked Mr. Bennett then, directed to Carlisle. "Or was he like that when you adopted him?"

But Carlisle didn't really care about Mr. Bennett any longer, and he didn't care if Jasper ever returned to this school, he would actually make sure that never happened. He was maybe angry at Jasper, for hitting another boy and beating him like that, but he was beginning to understand why he did it. Actually he was more worried about Clyde, who sat openly and cried now, not responding on anything at all. He looked like he was about to break down, from all the yelling and screaming, and Carlisle began to wonder how this ended in such a mess. He didn't even know Clyde, and felt it was wrong he had to witness this, but it was too late to change it… but at least he could do his best to help them all now.

"Esme could you please wait outside with Clyde… I think he had enough for today," sighed Carlisle, and pinched the bridge of his nose frustrated. He could see Mr. Bennett expected him to answer his question, but he had enough of this, and was going to do something really horrible if this continued.

"Of course," smiled Esme sadly, and went over to Clyde, who still looked down on his hands, crying and shaking. "Come on sweetheart," she told softly, and helped him out of his chair, and outside the office. Carlisle could hear they walked a bit down the hall, so Clyde couldn't hear what was going on, but he knew Esme would hear every word.

As soon as the door closed, Carlisle looked on Jasper who still stood up, but finally looked calm again.

"Jasper please take you seat," ordered Carlisle coldly, and didn't give any space for questions… this was an order.

And Jasper knew he already went too far, so without a word he sat down, and tried to look anywhere else, than where Mr. Bennett sat. Mr. Bennett on the other hand tried to open his mouth, to protest, and explain this was his office, and Clyde couldn't leave without his permission, but a glare from Carlisle made him shut up instead.

"So let me get this right Jasper," began Carlisle, and completely ignored Mr. Bennett. "Colton and Clyde made some kind of deal… or Colton threaten him to agree, that he should pay him each day, and then he wouldn't get beaten?" started Carlisle, and Jasper nodded, finally feeling someone understood.

"My nephew ha…" began Mr. Bennett, but Carlisle interrupted.

"I wasn't asking for your side of the story," he told sharply, and made Mr. Bennett silent. "Now Jasper, so we assume Clyde was going to get his coat, before he went home, when Colton said he wanted to talk with him… or forced him to go with him to the bathroom. There Colton pressed a knife against Clyde's throat, and threaten him… even told him he would beat him, and that's where you found them? Am I right?" asked Carlisle, and was trying to get a full view of the story.

"Yes that's correct, Colton was about to beat him, when I ran forward, and grabbed his hand so hard he lost it… and then I… you know, broke his arm," nodded Jasper, and didn't sound proud, but he wasn't sorry either.

"I see," sighed Carlisle, and knew it was clear now Jasper actually was violent and broke another's students arm. "Has Colton visited the hospital?" asked Carlisle Mr. Bennett, who finally was allowed to talk.

"Yes… his mother came a drove him to the hospital, a few minutes before I called you," nodded Mr. Bennett. "Of what we could see his arm was broken, along with a rib, and his body was also cover in bruises," he informed, even though Carlisle didn't ask for it, but Mr. Bennett felt he should know. "But since this is my school…"

"You can send me the bills," interrupted Carlisle. "I will pay whatever it coast to fix the damage my son made on you nephew, so please just send the bills," he told coldly, and stood up. "Come Jasper, we are leaving," he ordered, and grabbed his own coat, while Mr. Bennett looked confused on them.

"I am sure his parent will be thankful, but I must please ask you to stay, until we have finished this, and found a solution…" began Mr. Bennett, and tried to be the boss again, but it was too late.

"There is no need for us to stay. I have heard what I need too, to understand what happened, and I can assure you neither Jasper nor Alice will place a foot on this school again," told Carlisle coldly, and stared with deadly eyes on Mr. Bennett. "You are clearly not running this school fairly, and none of my children would ever be happy here, not after this. So please send me the necessary paperwork, along with Colton's hospital bills," he ordered, and opened the door for Jasper, who walked out, not even looking back.

"But you have only heard Jaspers version… and it's not the truth!" tried Mr. Bennett to protest, and stood up to close the door before Carlisle could walk out, but a glare made him sit down again.

"I can assure you Mr. Bennett, by now I couldn't care less what the truth was. I can see my son has acted violently, and so I will make sure he pays for it, but I couldn't care less about what you think is true. My son wouldn't hit your nephew without a reason, and after the way you have treated Clyde, I can't imagine any other truth than the one my son just told," he informed Mr. Bennett, who now sank completely back in his seat, looking pale and scared.

"But…" he tried one last time, but then got silent, shaking his head.

"Oh and let me assure you, someone will hear _exactly_ how you talked to me and my wife, and how badly you treated Clyde, who now totally has broken down," added Carlisle, and made the principal even more pale. "Now have a pleasant day," told Carlisle, before he closed the door behind him, and promised himself never to step into that office again.

Without as much as look back, he walked out of the waiting room, and took a deep breath. It wasn't necessary, since he was a vampire, but it felt good, and for a moment he just stood there and tried to accept everything. He knew he should be angry on Jasper, and at least scold him… but he was too angry on Mr. Bennett to even care about it right now. At the same time he was worried about Clyde, who was about to have a panic attack when Esme took him outside. Clyde was actually the only innocent person in there, and Carlisle felt so sorry for him, because he had to be there, and because they didn't wait a few days, so his father could be there.

Slowly he opened his eyes, and saw Jasper was standing beside him, unsure what to do. Right now Carlisle simply didn't have the strength or energy to deal with him… to deal with it all, he, Alice… his whole family. He knew the whole thing had to be talked through, but no today. Today he couldn't do much more… being too tired and irritated on Mr. Bennett, so instead he send Jasper away.

"Jasper, take your car and go out hunting… but you have to come home afterward," order Carlisle, and didn't even wait on his answer, as Carlisle walked away. He couldn't deal with Jaspers violent fight right now, and wasn't even going to try… he couldn't even make himself be angry right now. Instead, he just walked away, and left Jasper there.

He tried to find Esme and Clyde, a rather easy task, as Esmes scent always was the first thing he smelled. He found them in a classroom, Clyde sitting on one of the students table, and Esme standing beside him. She was trying to comfort him, but he wasn't even crying anymore, just starring on the air in front of him, like he could see something they couldn't. Esme most of all looked like she had no idea what to do, but still it felt like she had woken up in some way… like she finally opened her eyes, after Bella's birthday party, and saw the world as it was again. She was still shocked, most of all because of this whole meeting, but she was awake in a way he hadn't seen in a few months.

"Hello you two," greeted Carlisle softly, and walked into the room… trying to see if Clyde would react, but there was no reaction at all.

He looked worried on Esme, to ask what happened, but she just shook her head, looking sadly on the boy, as she ran her hand through his hair.

"I don't really know what happened with him," she told softly. "One moment he was crying… and then the next he just stopped, and have been like that since," she sighed. "he won't answer any of my question… and I can't get in touch with his father,"

"I think he just need to get through this in his head," sighed Carlisle, and lifted Clyde's head to see if that could make him react, but the boy just stared confused and coldly on him… like he couldn't understand who he was.

"But what are we going to do with him?" asked Esme. "We can't just leave him here," she sighed, and ran her hand through his hair again, but this time he reacted to it, and leaned his head against her hand. Carlisle couldn't explain why he suddenly reacted on that, but within seconds there was a kind of light in his eyes again, and he stared up on Carlisle.

"Is it all over?" he asked hopefully, and had a small light in his eyes for the first time.

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><p>So I don't know what happened, but suddenly I just began to write like crazy.<p>

So I would really like to hear what you think will happened with Clyde now, and what you could imagine would happen (I am open for anything) as it hasn't been decided yet, and I would like to hear what you think.

And I know this was more about Clyde than Jasper, but it had to be there, and the next chapter will be completely about Jasper… more or less.

Please review!


	4. Chapter 4: What about Jasper?

_A Story By Hodge_

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><p><strong>Guilt<strong>

Chapter 4: What about Jasper?

_All rights belong to Stephenie Meyer_

**Portland 4 February 2006 **

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><p>A part of Jaspers mind simply couldn't believe what was happening… was this everything? Shouldn't Carlisle at least have something else to say, and not just an order?<p>

Because that was everything… he gave him an order. To go hunt, and then come home afterward… that was it. He didn't even try to tell him there would be trouble later, or he better hurry, no he just walked away.

To be together with Esme and Clyde.

But this only proved what he already knew, Carlisle didn't care about him… not anymore. Even when he fucked up so badly, as he did today, Carlisle wouldn't give him his full attention… just for a second. And if this couldn't get his attention… if breaking another boy's hand couldn't deserve something, good or bad, then what was he supposed to do?

But actually he knew, he knew exactly what he was supposed to do. Those words before… it was Carlisle's goodbye, or as close as they ever would get on a goodbye. Carlisle probably just couldn't make himself say it, but he didn't want him anymore… he didn't need him, and they could take care of Alice… heck! Even she didn't want him anymore!

So there was really no decision to take… he was leaving now.

Without a second thought, he went outside. His keys to the car was still in his locker, but the car didn't matter anymore, as vampire speed was so much more useful. Since it was winter it was already dark, and Jasper would be able to jump from roof to roof, until he got away from the city. In vampire speed, no one would see him, and if they did, they would just think it was the wind.

His first plan had been just to leave all of this, now… but he couldn't just leave all of his stuff behind. His old diary from when he was human was his everything, along with a few other books, and a picture of his sister and mother. No he couldn't just leave those things behind…

And he couldn't just leave without seeing Alice one last time. Of course he knew he couldn't speak to her, or look straight into her eyes, but he needed to see her… it was hurting enough already. He was maybe not Alice's mate… at least not anymore, but she was his, and he couldn't just get over her. He knew this would kill him in the end… or at least kill his will to live, but he needed to see her, just one more time.

When he finally reached the house, he could see Esme and Carlisle still was at the school, or at least on their way home. With a bit of help from his gift, he knew Alice was in the living room, but she was always there these day's, so it wasn't surprising.

And someone had been kind enough to let his window be open, saving him a few minutes. He couldn't just walk through the front door… then Alice would know he had been there, and he needed to cover his tracks as well as possible. At the same time he couldn't stand to be so close on her, then he would just change his mind, and he couldn't allow that… never.

So silently he jumped up to his window, and got inside. His feet landed so softly on the floor, no one would hear a sound, and gracefully he grabbed the nearest backpack, and tried to find those things he would need.

It was some time ago someone cleaned their room, since it normally was Alice's task, but she didn't really do anything these days. So to find anything in their room was more difficult than it might sound, but Jasper managed to find some money, and his beloved belongings from his human day's. He really wished he could bring his uniform too, but it was too old and big to be in his backpack. If he fold it, he risked it would break, so he head to leave it behind, along with his weapons.

And with his backpack, there was no other reasons to stay. He really wanted to… no he needed too, but he was out of time. The only thing he really could do was to take the shirt Alice wore yesterday, and keep it with him. That was everything there was left for him in this house, and with venom tears running down his face, he jumped out of the window.

He really wanted to regret, and go back… but he couldn't, not anymore. Carlisle and Esme didn't love him… Edward probably hated him… and Rosalie and Emmett, well they left because they couldn't stand the sight of him. Even Alice ignored him now… so why should he stay? After today it was clear he stepped over a line, and maybe Carlisle didn't say it, but he could see how much he ignored him, and how much he didn't care.

After taking a deep breath he walked into the forest, before he went a bit too the left, so he could look into the living room. He wanted to see Alice one last time, before he left her forever, but she still couldn't see him, and from here he was hidden behind the three's.

And there she was. Sitting on the couch with a book, her eyes fully focused on the text, or at least he thought so. Since she was doing everything to block her visions, she wouldn't see him, or even realize he was leaving, at least not before it was too late. Jasper could only guess she didn't care anymore, and would be relieved when she realized she was free.

The first time he met her, he thought their love would last forever. He couldn't imagine a world without her love, or without loving her. But things change, time goes by, and here he was all alone. He still loved her… hell his dead heart was still beating for her, but hers stopped beating for him, and was now completely frozen.

Jaspers eyes tried to imprint every single detail in his head, as he looked on her short hair… her eyelashes, the huge eyes…. Her small mouth, and the peaceful emotions that once filled her eyes. Now he just saw sorrow and sadness, two things that reminded him about who's fault this fiasco was. Who, who attacked Bella, and who, who couldn't control his thirst.

"I am sorry I did all of this to you," he whispered sadly, but not loud enough for her to hear. "I am sorry I couldn't be all of those things you wanted so much… and I am sorry I took Bella away from all of you," he told, but knew she never would know.

But it was best he left. Tears was falling down his face like rain, and he could barely control his own emotions, but he had to do this for her. She didn't love him anymore, but he loved her enough to do the right thing, and leave her… no matter how much it would break his heart.

Somewhere in his mind he registered Carlisle's car parked in front of the house, and Carlisle and Esme got out of the car, along with Clyde… but he didn't really care. He only saw the way Esmes hand was wrapped around Clyde's shoulder, like he was her son, and how Carlisle was speaking comforting words, as they walked inside. Jasper felt they already replaced him… not that he blamed Clyde for any of it, but it still broke his heart a bit more.

Suddenly it felt like he had seen enough. Nothing was really going to change, just because he stood here, so slowly he took the first step away…

From Alice

His life

His family

And his world.

Slowly the next step was taken, while he felt something broke in him. Memories came crashing down on him, and demanded his attention, but he couldn't let his old life take over. Instead, he took a step more, and then another, until he slowly began to run, and the forest became a blur around him.

Everything he knew was gone. His whole existence was taken away from him… all because of a stupid birthday party, and his god damn thirst. A part of him knew he finally was free to eat as he wished… no one could stop him, and he wasn't a Cullen anymore… but he couldn't. He knew it maybe would help him forget it all, and allow him to become another person, but he couldn't. It felt so wrong, even though he was thirsty, and human blood was tempting… but no, if this was the only thing he could do right, then he would do it.

Jasper couldn't tell what time it was, or where he was… he was just running. Away from his family, his life, his story, and himself. He was trying to become no one, and nothing… a new person, but his past wouldn't leave. Right now he hated everything about himself… his gift, his face, his hair… even his eyes, even though they still had some kind of dark golden color.

But he just couldn't forgive himself… for everything.

When he finally stopped up, it wasn't because he was tired, but because he just couldn't focus on running anymore. It was dark, and the sky was clear for once, so he could see all the stars, before the sun would scare them away.

He was still in the forest… somewhere, but he could be in a different state, or even Canada, it didn't matter. What mattered was he was here, and he would never be able to turn around and go back. He would never see Carlisle and Esme again… or just his sisters and brother… and he wouldn't be able to see Alice. Everything was over, and the only thing he had left was tears and pain.

Slowly he sank down on his knees, while a painfully sob escaped his lips. Tears was streaming down his face, and landed softly on his shirt, but he didn't care about anything anymore. His whole face was a mask of pain, as he couldn't stop his mind from thinking about the past, his family and Alice…

How could he leave this behind, how could he leave what meant most to him?

He began to rock himself, in an attempt to comforts himself, and while he hugged himself, he tried to think it was Alice… or maybe Carlisle or Esme who hugged him. In his head he heard their voices, telling him everything was okay, and slowly he closed his eyes, and tried to see them in front of him instead. He heard them saying he was going to be fine, and that they would be there for him… he even saw Bella, who said she forgave him.

But he knew all of it was a lie. Because he would never see Bella again, and Carlisle and Esme didn't love him anymore… so why would they try to comfort him? And Alice… she no longer saw him as her mate.

Slowly he opened his eyes, to face reality instead, but when he opened his eyes, he stared straight into a red pair of eyes.

* * *

><p>-oOo-<p>

* * *

><p>"Is he asleep?" asked Esme carefully, as Carlisle stepped out of what once was Edwards bedroom.<p>

"He went out like a light after I gave him something to calm his nerves down," nodded Carlisle, as he looked one last time on Clyde, who was sound asleep.

Since Edward wasn't using his room anyway, they decided Clyde could use it… at least for the night. Right now he was sleeping on Edwards couch, with a blanket on top of him, and his messy hair spread out on the pillow. Just before he feel asleep, Carlisle got a chance to remove his glasses, who now lay on top of the nightstand, waiting on it's owner to wake up. Esme had been kind enough to find one of Carlisles T-shirt, so he didn't have to sleep in his clothes, not that he looked like he cared if he had too.

"Poor thing," muttered Esme, as Carlisle closed the bedroom door, to give the boy peace to sleep. "He looked so stressed," she added, and shook her head.

"Yeah I guess this was too much on one day," nodded Carlisle, and pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. He didn't like to give so strong a medication as he gave Clyde, but the poor boy was too worked up, and needed to sleep. "Have you heard anything from his father?" he asked Esme, who got Mr. Campbell's number coded into her phone, just before they left the school. She had already called ten times, and left a message, but the man wouldn't answer his phone.

"No… I haven't had any luck, but Clyde also said he forgot to answer it from time to time," told Esme, and checked her phone again, but there was still no answer.

"Well we have done what we could… when he hear his messages, he will know Clyde is here, safe and unharmed… and I guess we can speak with him tomorrow," sighed Carlisle, and guided Esme downstairs.

"I just think Clyde really needs his father… the poor thing must be stressed, and we don't know him at all," sighed Esme, and shook her head. "His father must know him, and know how to calm him down… it must be so terrifying for him to be here, in some strangers house… we only met him two hours earlier," reminded Esme Carlisle about, who nodded, and closed his eyes for a second, while he tried to gather his thoughts.

"I know, but I wouldn't be so sure about his father… from what I have seen, it doesn't look like they have a great relationship. Maybe it's better to give him a small break, before he needs to face his father," argued Carlisle, as they walked to his office, and stopped up.

After trying countless of time to get hold of the father, Carlisle decided it was best to take Clyde with them. He knew it was risky, considered they were vampires, and Clyde could discover everything… but he couldn't just leave him. Carlisle felt something really bad would happen, if he just drove him home, and left him there… all alone with no one to talk too. Clyde was actually more or less in a state of shock, so Carlisle decided it was better to have a doctor near, at least until Clyde's dad got home, and could take over.

But from the few hours they had been together, it didn't look like Clyde's father would be a great help. Carlisle couldn't explain why he felt this way, but there was just something… something wrong about it. When the principal asked if he could get hold on his father, he looked scared, like he feared his dad would be angry on him, but he couldn't be sure, since Clyde was scared all the time today.

"I guess the sleep is good for him," sighed Esme, and ran a hand through her hair. "But let's not discuss Clyde anymore… he is sleeping, and most of all he just need peace right now. We can talk with him tomorrow when he wakes up, and see what to do from there… I think we have more important matters at hand," she reminded her husband, and touched his hand lightly, to say she was here to support him.

"Why don't we discuss this in my office?" suggested Carlisle, and took her small petit hand in his. "I don't think neither Clyde nor Alice will hear anything, and Jasper is out hunting," smiled Carlisle, and opened the door to his office, so they could step inside.

Without saying a word, Carlisle lead Esme over to the couch and chairs, and sat down beside her, while he in the process wrapped his arm about her shoulder. It wasn't often they sat like this anymore, and for a moment Carlisle just enjoyed the feeling of his wife so close to him, before they stated their discussion.

"It has been quiet a day…" muttered Carlisle, and looked down on his watch to realize most people would be eating dinner by now.

"Yeah, it was so peaceful at first, and now we have a stranger sleeping in Edwards room," nodded Esme, and looked up on her husband. "But how are we even going to tell Alice this… I don't think her and Jaspers relationship is that well right now, so he is probably not going to tell her," she said thoughtfully.

"I don't know," sighed Carlisle. "I guess the best thing is to wait until Jasper comes home, and ask what he prefer… personally I would suggested he told it to her himself, but considered how they are acting toward each other…"

"He probably isn't going to say anything," finished Esme, and shook her head. "I don't even get how it got this far… what happened between them?" she asked confused, and couldn't really remember when her daughter and son began to act like this. It just came slowly, and until today she didn't thought it was so bad. But from the behavior Alice displayed downstairs today, she knew something was completely wrong.

"I don't really know," admitted Carlisle, and tried to think back, to see if he could remember when it happened, but it had been a slow process he didn't notice before now. "I guess it all started after Bella's birthday party… Alice probably just miss her friend," he sighed, and couldn't find any other explanation, so this was what they got for now.

"But what about Jasper… you don't think he blame himself for the accident, do you?" asked Esme nervous, and thought their son knew this wasn't his fault, but thinking back she knew Jasper…

He was the type who would blame himself for what happened.

Carlisle looked a bit shocked, as he heard Esmes fear… was his soldier blaming himself? To be honest he thought Jasper knew this wasn't his fault, but he also knew his son, it would be him to continue and blame himself, since the whole family was in sorrow. But Carlisle couldn't really remember if Jasper had said anything, or indicated it was his fault… but when he thought about it, he couldn't' remember the last time they had some kind of bonding time. He had been so busy working at the hospital, and forgetting his own pain, he didn't notice how Jasper was feeling. It was clear Alice was sad and probably a bit depressed, but what about Jasper?

"I… I honestly don't know," muttered Carlisle, and shook his head confused. "I just realized I haven't really talked with him since we moved," he admitted, and looked on his wife with shame… only to be met with the same shame.

"None of us has been ourselves here lately," she told him comforting. "the last few months has been a black blur of things I can't remember anymore… I guess we all have been so sad," she muttered, and allowed Carlisle to see the pain she felt. Carlisle knew she lost a daughter the day they left Forks, just like himself, and the family was slowly falling apart.

"I have failed you all so much," muttered Carlisle with shame, and looked down on his hands, as a tear rolled down his cheek. "I haven't done my duty as a father, or a coven leader… and now the whole family is shattered. Edward is god knows where, Rosalie and Emmett has left… Alice is walking around like this is the end of the world… we haven't be ourselves!" sighed Carlisle, and closed his eyes for a moment. "And Jasper… well only god knows how he is feeling," he sighed.

Right now he felt like the biggest idiot on earth, for letting his family down, and allowing them all to leave Bella behind. He even forced Esme and Alice to leave, and come with him to Portland… he spoke as their cover leader, and gave them no choice. For a moment he felt no one ever was going to forgive him, but then he felt a hand brush the tears away, and looked into Esmes golden eyes.

"You haven't failed us my dear… we have maybe both failed our children, but they have also failed… and no one can take blame for all of this," she told him, with tears running down too, as she realized what was happening with their family.

"But I am the coven leader… I have too…" began Carlisle to argue, and wouldn't let anyone else take blame for this, but Esme shook her head before he could continue.

"You are maybe our coven leader… but you are not God Carlisle Cullen… you were a human once, and now a vampire… and both vampire and humans make mistakes. What happened can't be changed, we just have to accept it, and move on… none of us can blame anybody for what happened. You too have feelings, and those feelings can't just be ignored, no matter how much you want to help others, because sometimes you need to focus on yourself. We have both been weak, and allowed the family to leave, but now it's time to be strong again, and find the shatters piece of out puzzle, and get it back," she told firmly, and took his hand. Carlisle knew Esme would be their all the way through this, but it still surprised him how strong she could be sometimes, when she really wanted to do something.

And he was going to answer… what, we will never know, but the words was on his lips. Esme could see the light form in his eyes, just like it was burning in hers, and for a moment their souls was connected.

But then the door burst open, and Esme gasped, as they both looked on Alice who looked terrified and scared. The death look was no longer in her eyes, and was now replaced with fear… but also life. Carlisle had never seen a vampire shake before, but Alice was shaking like hell right now, like the fear was taking over.

"You have to save him… Jasper he… he is in danger!"

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><p>That was a bit of a cliff hanger! :D<p>

And sorry I haven't poster lately, chistmas needed to get over first, and then I was on vacation, so there was simply no time, or access to my computer.

But thanks to all of you who chose to follow, favorite or review. It means a lot, and I hope you guys will continue.

So please, make my day, and REVIEW!


	5. Chapter 5: The human

_A Story By Hodge _

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><p><strong>Guilt<strong>

Chapter 5: The human

_All rights belong to Stephenie Meyer_

**Portland 4 February 2006 **

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><p>The pair of eyes he was staring into was fascinating and scary at the same time. They were familiar, and reminded him about how he lived once and looked too, but these eyes look more… dark. Jasper couldn't find any good in them, just like he couldn't find any good emotions in it's owner.<p>

"Who are you?" asked a dark but comfortable voice, and it took Jasper seconds to understand it was the person in front of him. Suddenly he realized he still was kneeling, and slowly stood up, and brushed a few leaves of his pants.

"My name is Jasper," he introduced, and considered if he should use a fake name, but what difference would it make?

His eyes slowly took a look on the man in front of him, and tried to judge if he was a threat, or just a peaceful vampire passing buy. Looking on his shoes and pants covered in dirt, he had to be a nomad, as both objects looked worn out… and vampires just living in one city loved to change clothes more often than this.

On his shirt, Jasper could see the leftovers of his dinner. The human blood was dried by now, but he would still be able to recognize it from distance, and considered the vampire was wearing a white shirt, it was impossible to overlook.

He wasn't really anything special, at least not for a vampire… probably just what Jasper would call an ordinary vampire, not that there really was an ordinary vampire. They were all incredible beautiful and strong, but this vampire… well let's just say Jasper had seen his type before. There was nothing new, his hair was dark and curly, just like so many others, and his face was sharp and detailed… but none of it was new. The only knew thing was the feelings he got from him, and they made his own feelings panic.

"Jasper…" repeated the vampire, like he was tasting on it. "I like that name, my name is Howard," he introduced, and pointed toward a vampire Jasper hadn't seen before. "And she over there is Nora…" he introduced, and the female vampire nodded kindly toward Jasper.

But Jasper only noticed what she got beside her.

It was a man… he never really paid attention to what age he was in, but what he did pay attention to was the fact he was a human, and he was alive. By now the man was beaten and hurt, so you could barely see him under a thick layer of bruises, but Jasper still saw his blue eyes, that stared on him with a pleading expression.

With Jaspers gift he could feel how hurt the human truly was, and for a moment it almost overtook his power to stand up, but then he decided to push it away.

The man was kneeling beside Nora, who didn't look like she paid a lot of attention to him, but her hand was wrapped securely around a handful of his hair, and Jasper could see how she tighten her grip now and then. Even from where he stood, he could hear the beating panic in the man's heart, who was beating fast and furious, and for a moment Jasper thought it would jump out of his body.

"And who is he?" asked Jasper skeptical, and didn't pay a lot attention to Nora. The only things he noticed was she had the same kind of curly dark hair as Howard, and the same sharp features, not a beauty near any of the Cullen's.

But she was just as dangerous as her partner.

"Oh… he was a part of our dinner, but we are pretty full, so we are just saving him for a bit later… you know, never waste food," joked Howard, and looked over on Nora. "My dear, what was his name now?" he asked sweetly, and made Nora kick the human hard between the ribs, so he screamed, and curled into a ball.

"Tell him your name," hissed Nora, loud enough for the human to hear, while she tighten her grip around his hair.

"I….George!" gasped the human, as tears fell down his cheek. "Please… just let me leave, I have family… and..." he tried to beg, but before he could continue, Nora twisted her grip around his hair, and made it even more painful.

"Be quiet, or I will make you," she told coldly, before she turned her attention back to the rest of the company.

Jasper felt… _twisted_ between helping the human in front of him, and get the hell out of here. All those years with the Cullen's had made soft, and the old Jasper was gone, unless he could smell someone bleeding. So a part of his personality felt it was his duty to save this human, but on the other hand he was trying to become a new person, and this was a part of the old Jasper. He knew this man had a family, and someone was going to miss him… but people died every day, killed by vampires, or just a regular death.

"Forgive me, but if he has a family, isn't it going to make too much attention?" asked Jasper carefully, and promised himself this would be his only try, and if George didn't survive, there would probably be a bigger picture in this somewhere.

"Well he is probably going to be reported missing… but no one is going to find him, they will only know he disappeared in the forest on a hunt," explained Howard, and turned his attention toward George. "You naughty little human," he sighed, and shook his head like a parent. "Running around in the forest with you friends… what did you thought you would catch?" he asked, and smiled in a way, so Jasper felt a need to throw up.

"I see," muttered Jasper, and did his best to look on the vampires, and not the human.

His problem was there was nothing he could do for this human, but at the same time he… he felt he needed too. This guy had a family… something he himself just lost recently, but this man still deserved one. Jasper could see in his head, how his little girl or boy stood and waited by the front door… and the time would go, it would pass, and no one would come. At last a police officer would knock on the door… maybe tell there had been an accident. That his friends from his hunt was dead, but they could find him. And the kid would be staying there, still starring on the door, but he or she's father would never open it again.

But what could he do… two against one? The woman, Nora, she would probably kill him before he got near… maybe he could take one of them down, but not both of them. Somewhere in his mind he knew they wanted that kind of thing, they wanted to have an excuse for a fight, and they all knew Jasper wouldn't win.

"So tell me Jasper… do you have a coven?" asked Howard friendly, after he decided to ignore the crying human. Jasper knew why he was asking… in case it came to a fight, but how should he answer it? Yes, and it would be a lie, because he had no cover, or family… and no, that could go both way's.

"I don't have any coven, but I am on my way to see a friend in… Texas," lied Jasper, and thought about visiting Peter and Charlotte… it was long ago.

"Oh I see…" muttered Howard, and looked on Nora for a moment, before he turned his attention back to Jasper. But the look he gave her… it wasn't a nice look, it was more a look that told something bad was about to happen. Jasper even felt how his body became more tense, and how even George stopped his cries.

"So you are walking around in the woods, all alone?" asked Nora, almost sexy, as she released her grip a bit on George, but it still looked painful.

"Well I just visited some friends in… Canada," lied Jasper, and hoped just a few couples of vampires would live in Canada… but he feared the answer was no. But these vampires didn't look like the social types, so maybe he was in luck.

And Howard and Nora looked like they believed it… or at least none of them asked any further questions. Actually he suddenly felt Howard study his face really close, before the man opened his mouth, with a confused expression.

"I just realized your eyes aren't red… but a mix between black and… brown?" he said confused, and looked on Nora who looked confused on Jaspers eyes too.

"Oh yes… well uhm, I have lived on animal blood for some time," admitted Jasper, and could see the disgust on their faces. Every vampire knew how animals smelled… and drinking their blood was just so much more disgusting.

"Animal blood?" repeated Nora, and looked skeptical on her mate. "That sounds so gross!" she exclaimed, and tighten her grip on George's hair a bit, just by the thought. George of course cried out, but no one cared about him anymore.

"Well I guess it's your choice," muttered Howard, and then remembered something. "But you said something about it only was _for a time_?" he reminded, and Jasper could kick himself for that. "So your quitting now?" he asked, and looked nearly… hopefully.

Jasper felt like he was the must dumb and stupid vampire on this earth! Did he absolutely need to add _for some time_? If he just answered _I am drinking animal blood_, he wouldn't stand in this situation… and from his eye color the already knew he was weak. If a vampire didn't feed for a longer period… like two weeks, they became weak, and easily to kill… something these people wouldn't forget. Jasper couldn't tell by now if this was his enemies or friends, but considered the feelings he felt from them, he would say enemies.

And Jasper had been a vampire for long, so he knew how they behaved… and what they thought was funny. All human drinking vampire found humor in torture of humans, or other vampires outside their coven… and if a vampire in the coven made a mistake, they often lost a body part for some time, or maybe even forever.

And by saying he had been on an animal diet _for some time_, meant he was going to swift back, and it only was for a period. This would only lead to that they offered him human blood, and the only human there was around was in front of him…

George, a man he simply just couldn't kill.

"Well I uhmm… I like to try new things now and then," lied Jasper, and felt how his body began to react on the thought of blood, how the evil part of him reacted on the blood.

"But your stopping now?" asked Howard again, and was already grabbing George arm.

Jasper knew in his mind he couldn't save George… it was impossible. But for some reason he couldn't live with the man's blood on his hands. It just felt wrong, like he was an old friend, or Jasper had seen him before. In his life, he had killed so many, and done so much horrible stuff, but he couldn't do this. Right now he couldn't even think about what happened just today, or the fact that he just left his family, he could only think on how to get away from here.

"I… well I am not totally sure…" tried Jasper, and took a step back, as Howard grabbed Georges arm, who looked confused on Howard and then Jasper.

"But it wouldn't harm to taste a bit of human blood, would it?" he asked playing, and smiled as he yanked George forward. "You could always try it, and see if the human blood is better than that… _disgusting thing_ you call food," he smiled, and pushed George forward, so he was right in front of Jasper. "Why don't you try George here… I think he will be really nice after so long without it, hmm?" he smirked, and released George, who now didn't even dare to move, and only tried to look pleading on Jasper.

And Jasper was tempted… Jasper was actually consider it. He was trying to be a new person right? So maybe human blood would be a good start. All those years with animal blood was sometimes so… boring, no fun at all. In some ways, he saw humans as more evil beasts than animals, so maybe it was Carlisle who was wrong, and not the human drinking vampires.

As he looked on George, he saw the clear vein by his throat, and could hear how his heart was beating faster and faster, like it was trying to beat it's way out of his chest. Even his breathing was fast and his lungs was fighting to get enough air, so he wouldn't hyperventilate… but Jasper could see it was a matter about seconds.

But then his feelings hit him.

It was a mix between fear and sorrow… but at the same time he could see George knew what was about to happen. When Jasper actually looked on his face, he could see George was in his fifties, already with the first gray hairs and wrinkles. He had lived, and he had seen how life could be, and he knew death would come some day…

But he was still afraid.

And Jasper couldn't kill him, no matter how much the beast in him demanded his blood.

"I am sorry, but he is not my type… his blood is too old," Told Jasper coldly, and looked up on Howard, who looked disappointed… but at the same time delighted.

"I am sorry Jasper, but I think I must insist," told Howard, and nodded to Nora, who in a second was behind Jasper, and forced his hands behind his back.

"Just do as you are told," she hissed, as she tighten the grip, and made Jasper hiss in pain.

"I. Am. Not. Going. To. Drink. It!" he told firmly, and tried to get George away from him, but Howard was pressing his throat against Jaspers mouth.

"Just drink, that shit can't be good for you!" spat Howard, and brought George even closer. "Actually you couldn't become a threat to all of us, and out whole kind, if you don't drink, so see this as a favor!"

Jasper could feel how his inner beast was taking over, and how it commanded him to drink, and satisfy his thirst. He even wanted too… it was just a human, but something in his mind couldn't' make himself do it. He could feel how Georges fear was taking over his mind, and how strong Nora was, compared to him… and all of it was taking him out of control.

Slowly he began to open his mouth, and inhaled Georges scent, it was heaven in his nose. Like if you haven't ate chocolate in a half year, and then finally get a chance to taste it. Every cell in Jaspers body invited him to taste, to eat, and do what he was born too…

But then he remembered what happened.

The paper cut, and the drop of blood that landed on the ground.

Bella's eyes as she stared into his…

Someone begging him to stop.

The fear, the sadness and disappointment…

And her face as he tried to reach her…

And kill her.

With a growl he pushed against Nora, and tried to get away… he couldn't do this, not again. He couldn't take this man away from everything he loved. With all he power he had left, he tried to get out of Nora's grip, while he growled and hissed, and tried to bite her.

But she was so much stronger than him.

He heard Howard growl somewhere too, and press George closer on him, but Jasper knew this was one of their sick games. They liked to see him suffer, and plead to get away… but he wasn't going to plead about anything… he was going to fight!

Somewhere he felt Georges feelings too, and could hear how his heart was trying to get out of his chest, while he panicked, and he decided to use that panic against them.

With his gift, he made the two bastards feel exactly what George felt, the panic and shock, and for a moment they froze. None of them could move or do anything, because the feeling was so powerful and overwhelming.

But it was all Jasper needed, and with a scream he pushed George away, so he landed on the ground, before he hit Nora so hard she fell into a three. He heard someone else growl behind him, and turned around to see Howard with fire in his eyes.

"How dare you hit my mate!" he hissed, and before Jasper knew it, he hit him with the hardest fists he ever had felt. This made him flew in the same direction as Nora, but he didn't even land on the ground, before Howard grabbed him again, and tried to hit him once more.

But Jasper was faster this time, and moved seconds before it would have landed in his face. If he was a human his heart would have stopped at that second, and even as a vampire he was in a shock for a second… because _what if that fists his it's target_? Jasper wasn't use to loosing, not after the years in the army, but he could feel how weak he was, compared to Nora and Howard.

"Stay away from me!" he hissed, and was about to stand up, when Howard threw him in the other direction, and Jasper felt himself land on the ground again.

This time Jasper didn't even got a chance to open his eyes, before he felt Howards arm was wrapped around his chest, and the other wrapped so hard around his should he feared Howard would tear it off.

"I think you owe someone an apology," hissed Howard, and turned Jaspers body toward Nora, and made him freeze as he saw what was in front of him.

Because in front of him stood Nora, with the most evil smirk on her face, with George in front on her, who was crying so hard he didn't notice anything. Somewhere in Jaspers mind he noticed Nora was holding a knife against his throat, but that didn't really matter, when he saw Georges shirt.

A lot of things happened at the same time, and after this event, Jasper never really found out what happened first.

Somewhere in his mind, he heard someone yell… a voice he knew, and usually loved to hear… but he couldn't tell who it was.

At the same time, a pain went through his mind, body and feelings, as he saw Nora cut Georges throat, and felt someone tore his arm off. He didn't really care about the arm, but only the fact the was staring into Georges eyes, and slowly watched him die. The blood didn't even matter anymore, and as Georges body felt down, he felt an incredible pain in his chest.

Jasper didn't even notice it, but for some reason Howard released him, and he could hear a growl behind him… but it didn't matter. None of it mattered… heck, even his arm didn't matter. The only thing that mattered was the dead man in front of him.

Slowly he took the first step toward George, and then the next, until he was in front of him, and slowly kneeled. He only had one arm now, but he still managed to turn him around, so he was lying on his back… but he was dead. With shaking hands, Jasper slowly searched for George phone in his pocket, and saw it had several missed calls, from a name he already knew.

And then, the world stood still, and he looked on the mans shirt. It was an ordinary blue shirt, but there was a printed logo… a logo he didn't care about. He actually didn't really care about where his coat was, or why he was out here…

The only thing he cared about was the name that was written under the logo…

_George Campbell_…

Clyde's father.

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><p>So that was Chapter 5, please share your opinion on what should happen with Clyde now, and if you think Georges death was a good idea.<p>

And a guest review asked me if I was going to finish this story, and I would just like to state, that I will do my best to finish it.

Now thanks for all the review,

And please **REVIEW!**


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